The first week of my five week personal challenge is over and I am not as enthusiastic to continue on for the next four weeks. This week was tough!
My dictionary defines malice as: The desire to cause pain, injury or distress to another. Spite or ill will.
My first thought was: Holy cow! How horrible! When I read that definition, it conjures up images in my mind of mass murders, the worst of the worst. How was I suppose to learn about malice and see if I had any in my heart? I was nothing like them.
While I thought I could never ever want to cause anyone pain, injury, or distress...I was in store for a harsh truth.
The previous week, a work colleague of Mark's said some really mean things about me to Mark. The most hurtful was him saying that I was worthless because I hadn't had any experience in life, since I currently didn't have a paying job or wasn't in college. Intimating that I was amounting to nothing. Thankfully, I don't feel the need here to explain anything about my current choices, but I am very happy with them and I feel no need to tell of my previous work history or prove to anyone that I am smart or have value.
I was so upset when I heard what he had said! After all we have done to be nice to him, he says that??? I am not proud to say that I had this fleeting thought where I prayed and asked God to punish him for what he said.. and then I forgot all about my anger until I started thinking about malice. Apparently you don't have to be an axe murderer to harbor malice.
What originally started out as an offense, turned into a hurt, which produced anger, and then that anger quickly turned into bitterness, and ended with malice (spite, or ill will).
I felt completely justified on having ill will in my heart towards this person, why, he deserved it! I wrestled all week on my negative feelings and finally came to a conclusion. Malice was making me miserable. I was only hurting myself by holding on to the offense. The Bible says "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you and say all manner of evil against you." (Luke 6 :27)
So I decided to forgive. I wrote down on a piece of paper everything that had made me angry, that had offended and hurt me. I submitted it all to God, and tore up the paper into tiny bits. If I have been forgiven so much by God, how much more should I forgive others who have only done something small?
The next time I saw the man I had forgiven, I felt no malice at all toward him. It felt so freeing not to be holding onto any anger, resentment, or ill will! I even felt bad for him. He must really be miserable inside to be so mean to others like that.
The week was almost over when I learned even more about malice. I watched a 5 part documentary on Auschwitz. It was disturbing and frightening to see how bitterness and anger became the foundation to the horrible atrocities committed against innocent men, women, and children. Millions of people, each one of them a precious life, were all killed for no other reason than that they were hated. To me, that is a picture of malice in its most evil form.
Food for thought: the New Testament says that if you hate your brother, you have murdered him in your heart. Outwardly I harmed no one, but does God see it the same way?
In conclusion, I have learned that malice is product of unforgiveness. It is poison to your own soul. Nothing good can come from harboring ill will in your heart, and if left unchecked, malice can sear your conscience, and pave the way to destroying others.
My dictionary defines malice as: The desire to cause pain, injury or distress to another. Spite or ill will.
My first thought was: Holy cow! How horrible! When I read that definition, it conjures up images in my mind of mass murders, the worst of the worst. How was I suppose to learn about malice and see if I had any in my heart? I was nothing like them.
While I thought I could never ever want to cause anyone pain, injury, or distress...I was in store for a harsh truth.
The previous week, a work colleague of Mark's said some really mean things about me to Mark. The most hurtful was him saying that I was worthless because I hadn't had any experience in life, since I currently didn't have a paying job or wasn't in college. Intimating that I was amounting to nothing. Thankfully, I don't feel the need here to explain anything about my current choices, but I am very happy with them and I feel no need to tell of my previous work history or prove to anyone that I am smart or have value.
I was so upset when I heard what he had said! After all we have done to be nice to him, he says that??? I am not proud to say that I had this fleeting thought where I prayed and asked God to punish him for what he said.. and then I forgot all about my anger until I started thinking about malice. Apparently you don't have to be an axe murderer to harbor malice.
What originally started out as an offense, turned into a hurt, which produced anger, and then that anger quickly turned into bitterness, and ended with malice (spite, or ill will).
I felt completely justified on having ill will in my heart towards this person, why, he deserved it! I wrestled all week on my negative feelings and finally came to a conclusion. Malice was making me miserable. I was only hurting myself by holding on to the offense. The Bible says "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you and say all manner of evil against you." (Luke 6 :27)
So I decided to forgive. I wrote down on a piece of paper everything that had made me angry, that had offended and hurt me. I submitted it all to God, and tore up the paper into tiny bits. If I have been forgiven so much by God, how much more should I forgive others who have only done something small?
The next time I saw the man I had forgiven, I felt no malice at all toward him. It felt so freeing not to be holding onto any anger, resentment, or ill will! I even felt bad for him. He must really be miserable inside to be so mean to others like that.
The week was almost over when I learned even more about malice. I watched a 5 part documentary on Auschwitz. It was disturbing and frightening to see how bitterness and anger became the foundation to the horrible atrocities committed against innocent men, women, and children. Millions of people, each one of them a precious life, were all killed for no other reason than that they were hated. To me, that is a picture of malice in its most evil form.
Food for thought: the New Testament says that if you hate your brother, you have murdered him in your heart. Outwardly I harmed no one, but does God see it the same way?
In conclusion, I have learned that malice is product of unforgiveness. It is poison to your own soul. Nothing good can come from harboring ill will in your heart, and if left unchecked, malice can sear your conscience, and pave the way to destroying others.
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