Deceit

So the theme for this week was deceit.  The simplest definition of deceit being: trying to be deliberately dishonest. Knowing something was wrong and still doing it.

Since I was on the look out for deceit - or any kind of deliberate dishonesty, I was surprised at how many times I was confronted with a chance to choose. Sometimes it was hard, since life isn't always black and white, absolutely right or absolutely wrong. At times the choice was easy, other times the lines seemed to blur together into grey.

I have seen that today it is popular to believe that there is no absolute truth, that truth is relative and can be interpreted as seen fit. What would be seen as wrong for one person, is perfectly acceptable for another. The mere idea makes my head spin! How am I suppose to rightly decide what is truly right and wrong? Who is the author of the original truth?

I am very thankful that from a young age my parents instilled in me a good moral conscience. I remember learning the hard way that stuffing the pockets of my favorite dress with stickers without paying was called stealing. That lying about what I really did to my friend's toy was wrong, and that biting my older brother when he made me mad was unacceptable. He did deserve it though....
But who originally set the moral standard that my parents raised me by?

Answer? The Bible.
Proverbs 1:7 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (good judgement)..."

God is the original and perfect standard bearer of what is right and wrong. He alone can truly and rightly judge what is good and bad. While I am not God, I do have the Bible, His words as guidelines.
The best example being the 10 commandments. Now here is a clear list of moral standards that I can base my life and morals after:

1  -  You shall have no other gods before me
2  -  You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath or that is in the water under the earth. ...for I the Lord your God am a jealous God..
3  -  You shall not take the name of the LORD in vain
4  -  Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy
5  -  Honor your father and your mother
6  -  You shall not murder
7  -  You shall not commit adultery
8  -  You shall not steal
9  -  You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
10 -  You shall not covet your neighbor's house, you shall not covet your neighbor's wife....

So, whenever a situation comes up, I use the Bible and its principles as my moral compass to guide me in making the wisest decision.

 Knowing what is good and bad, right or wrong is half the battle. Making the decision to do the right thing is the hard part. It isn't always a clear choice, but I hope that by using the Bible and wisdom, that I can make the choices, give good advice, and live a life that is pleasing and acceptable to God. People won't always be pleased with your decision.

I leave you with this picture that hangs in my dad's office. It has served as a constant reminder to me that it is not always easy to do the right thing.

Malicious Malice

The first week of my five week personal challenge is over and I am not as enthusiastic to continue on for the next four weeks. This week was tough!

My dictionary defines malice as: The desire to cause pain, injury or distress to another. Spite or ill will.

My first thought was: Holy cow! How horrible! When I read that definition, it conjures up images in my mind of mass murders, the worst of the worst. How was I suppose to learn about malice and see if I had any in my heart? I was nothing like them.

While I thought I could never ever want to cause anyone pain, injury, or distress...I was in store for a harsh truth.
The previous week, a work colleague of Mark's said some really mean things about me to Mark. The most hurtful was him saying that I was worthless because I hadn't had any experience in life, since I currently didn't have a paying job or wasn't in college. Intimating that I was amounting to nothing. Thankfully, I don't feel the need here to explain anything about my current choices, but I am very happy with them and I feel no need to tell of my previous work history or prove to anyone that I am smart or have value.
I was so upset when I heard what he had said! After all we have done to be nice to him, he says that??? I am not proud to say that I had this fleeting thought where I prayed and asked God to punish him for what he said.. and then I forgot all about my anger until I started thinking about malice. Apparently you don't have to be an axe murderer to harbor malice.

What originally started out as an offense, turned into a hurt, which produced anger, and then that anger quickly turned into bitterness, and ended with malice (spite, or ill will).

I felt completely justified on having ill will in my heart towards this person, why, he deserved it! I wrestled all week on my negative feelings and finally came to a conclusion. Malice was making me miserable. I was only hurting myself by holding on to the offense. The Bible says "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you and say all manner of evil against you." (Luke 6 :27)
So I decided to forgive. I wrote down on a piece of paper everything that had made me angry, that had offended and hurt me. I submitted it all to God, and tore up the paper into tiny bits. If I have been forgiven so much by God, how much more should I forgive others who have only done something small?





The next time I saw the man I had forgiven, I felt no malice at all toward him. It felt so freeing not to be holding onto any anger, resentment, or ill will! I even felt bad for him. He must really be miserable inside to be so mean to others like that.

The week was almost over when I learned even more about malice. I watched a 5 part documentary on Auschwitz. It was disturbing and frightening to see how bitterness and anger became the foundation to the horrible atrocities committed against innocent men, women, and children. Millions of people, each one of them a precious life, were all killed for no other reason than that they were hated. To me, that is a picture of malice in its most evil form.

Food for thought: the New Testament says that if you hate your brother, you have murdered him in your heart. Outwardly I harmed no one, but does God see it the same way?

In conclusion, I have learned that malice is product of unforgiveness. It is poison to your own soul. Nothing good can come from harboring ill will in your heart, and if left unchecked, malice can sear your conscience, and pave the way to destroying others.

Oops!

Ok, so obviously I am having some technical difficulties with my blog! After I publish a post, my blog magically deletes all spacing and turns my nice little post into one very long run on sentence and I am one unhappy camper...

I did learn how to write in school..I promise!

So, please be patient while I pull my hair out trying to fix it! 

5 weeks with the infamous 5!

Have you ever seen Super Size Me? Super Size Me is a documentary about Morgan Spurlock, who eats every meal at McDonald's for 30 days, super sizes his meal every time they ask him. His documentary gave Americans a wake up call when at the end you find out he had gained 24 1/2 pounds in that 30 day period and developed some health problems.

Well, in a similar line of thought, I have been thinking about some things that are equally unhealthy in my life. I came across a list of five sins of attitude and speech and thought that they would be perfect for my experiment.

The Guinea Pig: Me (yikes!)

Time Frame: 5 weeks

Goal: To spend one week on each of the five sins of attitude and speech and write about how my week goes. I will blog about my personal struggles regarding that weeks topic and my encounters with anyone else (they will of course be anonymous) that may be manifesting the weeks topic sin!

The Infamous 5:

Malice - Ill will

Deceit - Being deliberately dishonest

Hypocrisy - Pretended piety and love

Envy - Resentful discontentment

Slander - Back biting lies

So, there is no better time than the present, let the experiment begin! Watch out malice, I'm watching out for you!!!!

An Anniversary to remember!!!

When I first started my blog, I had only been married for 1 year and 10 months! Just yesterday, Mark and I celebrated our four year anniversary! So much has happened in the last four years, but I can honestly say that each triumph and trial has brought us closer together and even closer to God. I used to tell people that the best thing about being married was waking up next to my best friend every morning, but now I am learning that even more precious than that is the joy of having a godly man as my partner in life! God is good! This year, we had some amazing surprises on our anniversary. First, Mark surprised me with my dream purse: a Louis Vuitton Tivoli handbag! I started crying when I unwrapped it! What an amazing treat! We ended going to our favorite Thai restaurant for dinner and enjoyed some awesome soup and tasty Thai teas. The huge surprise of the day came after dinner on our way home. Mark received a call saying that he is getting promoted to Sergeant First Class!! We were not expecting that at all and are so excited! I am so proud of Mark, and all of his hard work and dedication to doing a good job. He is one in a million!

Four years together, and looking forward to many, many more!!

Happy New Year!!

It is amazing to me that it is really 2011! I am looking forward to a lot of exciting changes. We should hopefully be moved to our next duty station by July. There are some bittersweet feelings when I think about this move.
Obviously it will mean saying goodbye to friends, a change from what has become the familiar and the norm. I am excited to see where God will take us, but I am trying to enjoy the time I have while it quickly passes!

So, here is a list of things I am enjoying right now:

- Beautiful winter weather! Only in Southern California can you wear jeans, a long sleeved shirt and flip flops in January!!! I am lovin it!

- Trips to San Diego. I love only being 2 hours away from beautiful San Diego! With Mark's military ID, we can stay at the Navy hotel on Coronado Island for an awesome price, and the ocean is so calming.

- Time with Mark. Since we have no family in town and not a lot of friends, we have really bonded together during the last couple of years. We are better and stronger for it, and I am liking that!

- My mom came for a visit this week, and we have had so much fun shopping, baking, cooking, drinking coffee and just talking. I am so bummed that she has to go home!

- Being gluten free for 2 years now! Yay me! It has been a time of learning to see food differently, to value feeling good over what tastes good. I am a different person this year, I have so much more energy that I am beginning to exercise regularly and I am loving the new me.

- Reading my Bible. It is my goal this year to read through the whole Bible for the very first time! I am trying to be consistent, and I am learning and enjoying every minute!

2011 is going to be a crazy year, but I am just planning on taking it one day at a time. There was never a better time then now to appreciate all the wonderful things in my life!

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

I have been putting off writing here for several months. It isn't that I haven't had plenty of interesting things to write about, it just seems that what I have been struggling with has been all consuming. Most of my life I have struggled with one major constant feeling. Loneliness. I was sick often growing up, and especially through my teen years, and I remember feeling very lonely. Fast forward to present day, and I am still struggling with the same loneliness. I have a very melancholy side, which I am beginning to realize only adds to my feelings of loneliness. I often feel like Eleanor Rigby from the Beatles song. This is totally depressing, I know! But I have finally come face to face with how I really feel and I can perfectly see that what I am lacking is contentment. Contentment is that inner genuine peace of the soul that no matter what trials God is allowing in your life, you are at peace with what He is doing. I need that, I want that. I desperately desire to have that inward peace that isn't just a passing feeling, but instead the attitude of my heart. My husband is a great example of contentment. I have never met someone who seems so naturally content, and yet I struggle and struggle! One man who truly mastered the divine art of contentment was Paul the Apostle. He was beaten, imprisoned, stoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned, with health problems, and yet he was able to say "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Philippians 4:11). Wow! I find the attitude of his heart to be amazing. I have been slowly reading the book, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. I really do believe that as I read about contentment, and with the help of Jesus, apply it to my life that He will teach me what true contentment is, and then I will at peace. I appreciate your prayers